He, She & Wemdu Pea

Candle or the Mirror?

A friend asked me to write a little something about my daughter for her lesson. Here is what I came up with. I felt like sharing it with you all.

There are two ways of spreading light -

to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

- Edith Wharton, Vesalius in Zante

My daughter is a mirror - a special person who teaches simply through the reflection of herself. Only a few have this charge. You see, she was born with a rare condition called Lamerllar Ichthyosis. Her skin is thick, dark and scaled just like a fish. It dose not slough off at a normal rate and, therefore, builds up all over including on her head, face and neck. Along with the obvious aesthetic challenges, it causes logistical problems as well. For example, she must bathe two to three times a day to keep her skin moisturized and clean and she is unable to play outside in the heat because she cannot regulate her body temperature through sweating. Her life is limited in ways others cannot imagine.

Most people simply stare. Some dispense unwanted advice like..."You should not let her stay in the sun so much. That sunburn looks just awful." Others ask more desired questions like, "What happened to your daughter's skin?" or "What is your daughter's name?" The rest are just plain rude. Just the other day, a young boy came up to my daughter, kicked her in the shins, and said, "You are ugly and need to leave the country. I hate you!" Awful? Yes. But not as awful as the fate of the father standing right next to the boy without saying a word of reproach. How cruel and unfeeling it seemed. Did he share his son's opinion of my daughter, a person neither had ever seen before? Or was he simply ignorant and unsure how to teach his young son how to treat others with kindness? Either way, they walked away without another word.

Each of us faces a Goliath. It may not be as outward and enduring as my young daughter's, but hard non the less. It takes courage to become loving enough to forgive the ignorance and hate and to face the hard stuff in life. We need to be kind to the mean, loving to the hurt, accepting of the different and unfamiliar. Instead of damping out the hearts of others, stretch yourself to be a candle.

Let your spirit light the way for others